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emmy [AT] curious-notions {dot} net
June 2020
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Fuzzed brain

My head is full of noise and it’s made today very difficult.

My marriage license was returned to the county courthouse. Apparently the mailman doesn’t like my address. Nevermind that I’ve lived here for years now.

I woke up mad at Bear after that beetle dream. After the fear and ugliness of having killed someone who wasn’t real had faded, I was mad at him for taking me to the hospital. It took me until we were halfway to work to let it go.

I’m jealous of other people’s ability to tell stories. I have stories in my head but they always end up so boring when I try to tell them to people, either verbally or on paper. It makes me think they were probably boring to begin with. Then I get a new story in my head and I love it so much I try to share it and then it comes out boring and I feel depressed and we start over again.

I need to pay my bills. (They aren’t late or anything. I just hate the monthly monotony of paying them. I do feel blessed that I have the money to pay the utilies and to keep Bear and I fed and entertained and productive.)

I talk too much.

I have many large green tomatos. I want them to RIPEN ALREADY. I’ve promised tomatos to people. That may have been a mistake. There isn’t nearly as much interest in GREEN TOMATOS.

The high today was just above 70 degrees F. This makes me very happy for my phsyical comfort and my electricity bill. This also makes me fret over my tomatos even more.

I’m not enjoying any of the new stuff I’m finding to read. I’m not impressed with, nor all that interested in, Breaking Dawn and it seems like the rest of the book industry is kinda in a slump. I have a feeling this isn’t because there aren’t good authors and good product.

I have no good books. No interest in knitting or spinning. No interest in anything on TV (even the Closer wasn’t that good yesterday and Project Runway is having a TERRIBLE season so far). At work I’m doing a translation of something I’ve already translated, just to a different language and my other project is waiting on a guy in Scotland to find a fix. (I try to have more than one thing going on at a time at work. Sometimes this is really bad. Mostly it just means that I don’t have excuses for wasting time.)

Maybe the slump isn’t the world around me. Maybe it’s me.

I still haven’t finished writing Thank You cards. I need to kick my ass.

Definitely it’s me.