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emmy [AT] curious-notions {dot} net
January 2023
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Sparking my brain

I feel like my brain just got switched back on. Weirdly and honestly I think all it took was I Don’t Love You by MCR and a conversation Bear and I had last night. It turns out some shit was percolating in the back of my head and a song that I don’t get but that makes me shiver and a conversation that I’ve been wanting to have for forever just pushed everything up so that I could access it.

I think maybe Bear and I haven’t been talking as much as I need? He’s always (um, seriously, for years and years now, so might as well be always) been one of my hugest sounding boards and thinking partners and inspirations and somehow I stopped talking to him about shit that matters and not just getting through the day stuff. It is important that we talk about how to keep a clean house or whether I got to the laundry or what we should have for dinner, but not more important than what we want to do once we retire or how our brains work or how algorithms can be translated into hardware or what makes labels bad instead of good. Maybe we still were having those conversations, but I haven’t been feeling them or hearing them if we were. Or maybe we were throwing things out there, but never giving the conversations any time. 5 mins or 2 mins while we are also watching tv or doing something on the computer just doesn’t cut it. Truly honestly though, Bear and I not having conversations is more a symptom than the source though. Or should have been a barometer.

The bad thing about this is that having my brain back on means that I feel like working again, but there’s also all this other stuff in my head that I want to talk about and think about and write about and DO. Gah. So I’ve been making notes for myself so that I can table the stuff. I just hope the enthusiasm is there when I’ve gotten the work done.

I hope this is all coherent, I feel like my brain might not be firing correctly yet. But I’m so excited.