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emmy [AT] curious-notions {dot} net
January 2023
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Keepaway and curls

I’m all sad because I can’t share my favorite song right now. Honestly though, I’m not even sure how Bear found it. It’s called Keepaway by Self. I think this song was released on an EP? But it isn’t even available anymore? It has this really really amazing bassline/drum thing to it and the lyrics tell this story. It’s fabulous. Really. ETA: I actually just went looking and found the mp3 available (link to lyrics and mp3) on SeLF’s website.

It’s a good song.

So yesterday I went to get a haircut cause I hadn’t had one in almost 6 months. Bear and I were both looking raggedy. He still is. Then I went home, did my makeup, puttered around the house, got a little work done, went grocery shopping, whatever. I went to pick Bear up and he hadn’t seen my makeup and I always make him look to get a second opinion. His opinion? “It’s not your best.” Um? Really? I’d had all that time and I’d played a little and I’d come up with something that you could barely see (which usually Bear loves) but still had a great impact and I thought it was really great.

So this morning I wake up and I decide I liked the way I looked enough that whatever, I’m doing it again. So same colors on my eyes, same color on my cheeks. I did forget mascara today, but other than that it looked exactly the same. I asked Bear again and he was like, “Wow, that looks really good.” Um, what? Yesterday you are trying to not tell me it looks terrible and today you think it’s great? I’m like, “No dude, it looks exactly the same. Exactly.” So I go to the mirror to see if I look different and I realize. Duh. Yesterday I got my hair cut which means I asked the stylist to straighten it. (I always do this so I can see the actual cut.) Last night I took a shower which meant today my hair was curly. In nearly perfect spirals no less because it’s always curlier the day after it’s cut/straightened. I’ve heard Bear say he prefers my hair curly. I’ve lived with him for 6 years, I’ve heard it many times. I just hadn’t known he really doesn’t like the way I look with it straight.

Weirdly, my hair curly vs straight has caused some of my family and friends to say the ugliest things about my appearance. I mean, I’ve been told I’m fat, but that’s just one word. The curly hair thing? I think my hair was honestly curly all my life, but we didn’t realize it until I was about 14 and the unrelenting frizz prompted a very good friend of my mom’s to get her 20 something daughter to take me out for a day and get an expensive haircut and consultation and to go look at clothes and beauty products. Certain things just didn’t impinge on my mother’s consciousness. I have one family member that I think STILL doesn’t believe that I don’t get my hair permed. He spent a few years making snide/sly remarks about perm chemicals. I have another family member that things I look like I belong in the 80s when my hair is curly. She has several times suggested that I get it chemically straightened. There have been clown comments. There was a teacher at the middle school where my mom works that when I was getting too het up would say my curls was must be getting too tight. Then there are bare acquaintances who will feel compelled to tell me how beautiful my curls are. It’s a weird thing.