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emmy [AT] curious-notions {dot} net
January 2023
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Worst nightmare in a while

I’ve never seen Carl die in one of these. Never. He’s my baby, my buddy. Mom has died. Grandma has died. My whole flipping Clan has died before I called them The Clan. But Carl was always safe. My brain fucked with me. I’ve gotten 4 hours of sleep and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to fall asleep again. I’m tired, but I can’t get the image out.

Carl and I were living in this fictional house, that we lived in together with I think Bear. There was another male in the dream. It could have been our dad, but honestly, the other male I’m pretty sure was Bear. At one point we were running away and the other dude was wearing Bear’s winter coat. So it was also cold where we lived. And one day this dude showed up. Dave Viti. He gave us his card. He told us that Carl and I were important to Mother’s Children. I later found out that they sometimes drop the Children part. They are just Mother’s. But that we were needed and that they could protect us. We didn’t believe him. He was welldressed and polite, but he sounded like a crackpot. The dude on the streetcorner one morning when Bear and I were going to work screaming at the lamppost made more sense than this dude in the dream.

The one night Bear, Carl and I were home (or it was the other dude with Carl and I, but I’ll just call him Bear and have done) and we noticed some people outside. At first we didn’t think anything of it, but then one of our windows broke. It turned out Bear is a paranoid dude and had found us a way out in case of zombie attacks. Ok, that calls it, the other dude had to have been Bear and I was just so focused on the end of the dream I forgot. So we escape and we meet up with Dave Viti who promises to take us to the Mother’s …hideout? lair? Whatever. We are walking along this strip mall when Dave is like RUN. Except that we had sat down on a bench and Bear’s hat was off and I had taken off my shoes? There was a reason, in the dream, stuff had happened. We’d gone on a boatride? To get to the stripmall and my shoes had gotten wet?? But so when we start running away from the bad dudes who wanted to kill all Mother’s Children, especially us, I was trying to put on my shoes and I was running slower. Carl is out of shape and running slower too, but not as slow as me. (He’s actually not in real life. He’s been working out.)

So the two people that are most wanted in this fight are the slowest and Dave Viti is trying to keep pace to make sure we don’t die before he can get us safe. It gets really scary and Dave is taken, but apparently he told Bear where to take us in case this happened. So Bear manages to find the building and it turns out those dudes have a hard time entering and we end up in a parking garage and we go down? and end up underground.

It turns out Mother’s Children are mostly kids and prostitutes and some men that have been to prison and a few that just have obviously had a really really rough life. The prostitutes run it. Mother’s Children are led by women, always, because the Mother only speaks through the women. We give them Dave’s card and tell them, but apparently the most senior woman knew about us. She didn’t know about Dave though and his name is apparently very important. She tells me that I must tell Mother. Carl and I are way way tired and freaked at this point, but we just say, ok, whatever, can we sleeeeeeeep? Sure, is the answer. Apparently I won’t be allowed to speak to Mother until 3 days from then. So Bear and Carl and I spend the next three days talking to Mother’s Children and getting to know them and there are some damn cute kids that had been saved from off the streets and the prostitutes are super nice to us, despite the fact that obviously we came from a much easier life. The dudes are a little more standoffish, but they look at us with eyes that aren’t as scary as you would think.

Finally all the Children congregate in the biggest of the underground rooms and the head woman lies down on this bench thing with her legs still touch the ground and suddenly she’s talking a little bit different. Not crazy or anything. There’s also this light that appears off to her side. Suddenly she gets up, but the light stays there. She lets some other women lie in her place and talk and the light… talks? back to everyone. Telling them what to do about each problem that is being presented. From a woman who keeps having nightmares to a woman who is worried about the food stores for all the Children, all these problems get laid out and everyone is told what to do about it.

Finally its my turn. I lay down and I’m so flustered I can’t remember Dave’s name and I ask Bear or Carl to get his card after I’ve told the first half of the story to Mother. That causes a bit of commotion, because you aren’t allowed to address a male while speaking to Mother. Then a card is shoved in front of my face and I tell Mother the rest of the story and every time I say Dave’s name a shiver or ripple runs through us and obviously Mother is having a reaction to this dude. I get to the end and nothing is being said. There’s no answer being given. And suddenly there’s a cracking sound and we look around and notice that some of the bad guys have slipped unnoticed into the room and the men start running and jumping them and there is a lot of cracking sounds. Necks being broken. One of them comes for me and someone comes between us and Carl and Bear are safe with me, until someone comes up behind us and Carl kicks and runs a bit and gets stabbed in the gut. I start to go to him when one of the younger, newer girls, that is still painfully thin gets shoved into my arms by one of the men. She has bruises forming around her neck. I hold onto her tightly and scream at them to check on Carl. We are winning the fight, but I saw the knife around Carl. I see the blood beneath him, but I can see his shoulders moving. I scream for someone to get him. He gets rolled over and his lips move. I tell him to shut up. The blood is coming from a cut in his belly. I scream again. Wordless I think this time. I can feel the girl in my arms shake. Someone pushes a towel hard on Carl’s stomach. I scream at him not to leave me. I scream for Mother. I scream and scream and he keeps bleeding through the towels. I’m screaming so hard I’m shaking and I can feel the girls bony hand’s biting into mine and I’m screaming “CARL DONT LEAVE ME. MOTHER?!!!!! SAVE HIM. DONT LEAVE ME CARL. DONT LEAVE ME.”

I woke up midscream. I holding myself stiff on my back, but I wasn’t screaming. It feels wrong that I wasn’t screaming. Carl is fine. I know he’s at home and fine. I was dry eyed until I went to find Bear and tell him what was wrong. Now I’m just scared. I can see Carl in my head and all the blood. Dark blood but coming so fast and the gut is a bad place. I’m gonna see if I can sleep now. Hopefully I can and I can put off calling Carl until morning. I still have my screams ringing in my head. It’s been a long time since I had one of these dreams.