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August 2022
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sweater shame

The blog title of this post comes easily. I’m getting to the point where I am ashamed. I have tried repeatedly and still not been able to knit a sweater. But I finally know why. So I started again. And I can feel the quicksand forming beneath my feet again.

So it goes like this: I knit.

And I’ll make it to the point where I have a good amount of fabric. I have a gauge and I have a washed swatch and I have all my math done and I have an idea of how I want the finished product to look.

I happily knit on, occasionally doing little sanity checks.

The sweater has waist and bust shaping and little vents at the sides which is good since my hips are large. And all seems very good and I can so picture this finished sweater in my head.

Then I get to some point. This time around it’s this point:

Where suddenly I’m plagued with doubt. The sweater was supposed to fit close, so I took out a favorite long sleeve tshirt and measured it and added about an inch. And my pattern is for a big square neck and I changed it for a round tighter neck that I found instructions for. And then I laid it back on the tshirt over the weekend. Just to see if everything was going along nicely. And suddenly I don’t have my extra inch anymore. And those shoulder pieces look too narrow. And I’m freaking out again. And so while I expected to have posted on Saturday with a nice finished front of a sweater and by now to have half of the back done, I don’t. The sweater is in danger of being abandoned again. I don’t want to abandon this again. I really don’t. But I also don’t want a really badly fitting sweater when this is done.

So which is worse? To finish and hate it? Or to rip it out and start over even though I have no idea what I’m doing and for all I know this will end up just fine? I hate not knowing for sure how the pieces fit together when it’s all said and done. It means I can’t look at this and go, oh, that’s no good, I need a bigger size. Or oh, that’s not good, I need to rip back and redo those arm holes. Or, oh that’ll be fine. Bah.

Bear calls this yarn camouflage, so I’ve been calling it the camo sweater. Maybe it’s mad that I let Bear win with the naming? I fought him for a while: I think it’s very pretty and camouflage is not appropriate. Maybe I offended it.

  • linda

    update more. feed me with your thoughts!

    oh so demanding.