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emmy [AT] curious-notions {dot} net
December 2022
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Sometimes I miss all subtext

The other day, I was helping a coworker, we’ll call him Menace. For some reason, despite being a computer engineer, the guy has no basic Unix skills and lacks basic curiousity to figure things out on his own. Two very base things I would expect from anyone with the title or position of computer engineer. Which meant that when he can’t do something, I get to either do it for him or tell him how to do it considering the current development platform for our latest hardware is Linux. Half of me wants him to not learn, because it’ll keep him from fucking up the box. (I do that well enough on my own thanks and that’s with years of experience on him.) Half of me wants him to figure stuff out on his own so he’ll stop asking me questions. None of me wants to have to teach him things that 1) I learned on my own just because I knew I needed the skillset and 2) I learned years ago.

Right, there is a story in here, not just whining. I was going through some very basic stuff with him when my advisor and her friend LK stopped in. Now LK has worked with my advisor in our lab a few times. They’ve been friends for many years. They are also as different as night and day. My advisor is dry and calm and keeps her distance for the most part from her students. LK is a whirlwind of activity and sees no reason that you shouldn’t be her best friend. Or at least share the good gossip. A month or two after I got married LK whirls into the lab and looks at me and goes “How could you get married and not tell me?!”

Again, story. I’m teaching Menace and my advisor and LK walk into the lab. Menace and I stop and we all start chatting. This would be nothing new. She asked how I was enjoying married life, we chatted our a missing labmate, they talked about getting their grades done, etc. At one point we got around to being in academia. LK and my advisor ask the Menace if he is planning on becoming a professor. Menace says, “I don’t know.” Then they turn to me and ask the same thing, “Um. No. Not really.” I get the exact same surprised look on both their faces, but I pretty much didn’t take too much notice of it.

That evening I’m telling Bear this story and he groans. “Why didn’t you just say you didn’t know??”

“Because I’m pretty sure the answer IS no. But they did seem surprised.”

Bear was no impressed with my politicking. “Most likely they didn’t expect you to tell them that.”

So apparently I’m pretty dense. It could also be because I’ve never been shy about the fact that I enjoyed some parts of being a TA. Mostly just the student parts. Not the grading or being a grunt to 3 profs. Also maybe because when they walked in, I was helping Menace, and not with research or anything. *sighs*

Sucky weekend

I’m already behind on writing Thank You cards. Bear and I had a cold from hell this weekend. The weather was freaking crazy (hot hot hot humid 97 degrees then poof thunderstorms that knocked out the power).

I slept from 10pm on Saturday until 2pm on Sunday. I got up for an hour or two in there to walk around but I’d feel so tired and achy and ill that I’d go to lay down and then I’ll fall back asleep. In between all the sleeping I’d keep taking Bear to work. All in all, the weekend kinda sucked and wasn’t productive at all.

The highlight was the tomato plants. Look at how big they are!

Do y’all see how many blooms there are? There are at least 6 bunches. Most of them are off the cherry tomato plant, which already has a few green tomatoes:

The biggest one (on the bottom) is the same one from last week. It’s grown a ton in 5 days.

This is the same bunch on Thursday the 17th. The smallest one in the back is mostly hidden by a leaf, but it’s there.

I even have two baby Beauties.

Those suckers are so hidden that I didn’t notice them until yesterday.

I realize that the tomatos are kinda boring if you aren’t the one fretting that you never gave them their second shot of fertilizer and it’s probably too late now and are the birds going to eat your tomatos and you watered them and then it rained and too much water is bad and when they are close to the house they don’t get nearly as much sun but far away from the house means that those nasty thunderstorms could rip the branches right off and they are too heavy to keep moving back and forth and back and forth and Bear is thinking you are even crazier than usual and he doesn’t want to help move them. *sighs* It’s more fun than thinking about the million thank you cards.

shaking and scared

So I fly in about 4 hours. I have no idea why, but I’m terrified. My arms are shaking, I feel like I want to cry. Wedding jitters? Leaving Bear jitters? I have no freaking idea what’s going on with me. I meant to post the tomato plant pictures from last Thursday, but I’ve been so distracted. The plants have more than doubled in size since I planted them. I had to put the cage up. It’s amazing how they change.

I’m going now. Probably won’t be blogging while I’m gone. I have limited internet. I hope the shaking stops.

Tomato plants and bridal jitters

I have tomato plants and wedding nightmares.

I’ve been planning for almost a week now to post pictures of the tomato plants as they were right after I planted them. They’ve gotten much bigger and spread themselves out in the pot. My plan is to take pictures of them every Thursday to keep track of them. So this picture should have gone up last Friday.

On the left is a black cherry tomato plant. On the right is a Beauty tomato plant. Both were supposed to be easy to grow. The black cherry looks like it’s doing much better than the Beauty. The bottom leaves of the Beauty look a little sickly now (not in the photo). I’ll point it out when I post the next pictures.

The other thing is that I’ve been having nightmares. And moments, when I realize that life is going to be difficult and exhilarating and tiring and weird for a little while starting in a week, suddenly wash over me in skin prickles and adrenaline rushes. Bridal jitters I think they call it. None of it is about being married. All of it is about the wedding. The marriage will be a sharp cessation to the stress. I hate having so much attention centered around me. Bear hates it even worse. That day is going to suck for us in some ways.

At the same time we are going to have all these people we love and care about in the same place at the same time. I know we both feel so incredibly honored by the fact that they are all willing to come. We feel so honored that it’s a burden, but so very sweet.

Which just means that Bear has random outbursts about feeling out of control and I have nightmares and we both fret about having good food and entertainment and pretty decorations.

Would it also be weird that I’m tempted to tell people to stay away? I feel like it’s tempting fate to have all the people I love so physically close together. I think I’ll go stare at my tomato plants some more.