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emmy [AT] curious-notions {dot} net
January 2008
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New Year

Have you ever put something down because you were tired of it or because something else needed your attention or because suddenly your feelings about it changed and when the time came to pick it back up, suddenly you couldn’t? Maybe if you picked it up, it would be a nonevent. Maybe if you picked it up, you’d be thrilled to be getting back to work on it. But maybe, just maybe, if you picked it up you’d be horrified with yourself and with the work you’d done and that fear of it all turning to shit mixes up with the possibility that it might be fine or even great and it just turns into fear.

I bet there are a lot of people who would read this and wonder what on earth I mean. For them, sure sometimes you are tired and it’s hard, but it’s not a big deal. The problem is that I have bad tendency of letting my fears dictate to me. If I can’t tell how something is going to turn out and I’m scared, I avoid it. I’ve lost things and relationships and opportunities this way.

The reason I shared this with the blog? I almost let this blog go. I put it down at a point where it had gotten heavy and had gained associations with other problems in my life and then I had to walk away because something else needed my attention. Then I became afraid to pick it back up again. I almost didn’t pick it back up again. The reasons were many, but I’ve enjoyed putting my thoughts and efforts up here so that no one or someone could read them.

So I’m back. I’ll keep posting about my knitting and spinning and grad school and wedding plans which are now heating up and changing and driving me insane. I’m knitting my brother a hat (it’s basically the same hat, but the first hat was too short *snorts*). I’ve survived the dreaded lurgy. I’m writing my first paper to submit for publication. The stupid wedding date changed again for reasons that also kept changing. But it’s time to buckle down to work.