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emmy [AT] curious-notions {dot} net
September 2008
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Happy books, sad songs

So I’ve had “I Don’t Love You” in my head for days. At times I’ll get tired of having it in my head and I’ll play it on the computer or in the car for my ears. I kept wondering why I liked this song so much. It’s sad. I like…

oh. hm. happy songs? not so much. If I had to compile a list of the favoritest songs ever for me, there’d be like two happy songs on the list. “The Luckiest” by Ben Folds and “Just The Way You Are” by Billy Joel. The rest are sad or at least melancholy. “I Will Follow You into the Dark” by Death Cab for Cutie, “Only in Dreams” by Weezer, “Songbird” by Fleetwood Mac, “Me vs. Maradona vs. Elvis” by Brand New. I’m not sure where “Accused of Stealing” by The Delgados fits, but it sure isn’t happy.

I don’t even know where I got the impression that I liked happy songs. I do need my books to have happy endings. I don’t know why this feels like a revelation. Probably it’s just an odd quirk.

Sparking my brain

I feel like my brain just got switched back on. Weirdly and honestly I think all it took was I Don’t Love You by MCR and a conversation Bear and I had last night. It turns out some shit was percolating in the back of my head and a song that I don’t get but that makes me shiver and a conversation that I’ve been wanting to have for forever just pushed everything up so that I could access it.

I think maybe Bear and I haven’t been talking as much as I need? He’s always (um, seriously, for years and years now, so might as well be always) been one of my hugest sounding boards and thinking partners and inspirations and somehow I stopped talking to him about shit that matters and not just getting through the day stuff. It is important that we talk about how to keep a clean house or whether I got to the laundry or what we should have for dinner, but not more important than what we want to do once we retire or how our brains work or how algorithms can be translated into hardware or what makes labels bad instead of good. Maybe we still were having those conversations, but I haven’t been feeling them or hearing them if we were. Or maybe we were throwing things out there, but never giving the conversations any time. 5 mins or 2 mins while we are also watching tv or doing something on the computer just doesn’t cut it. Truly honestly though, Bear and I not having conversations is more a symptom than the source though. Or should have been a barometer.

The bad thing about this is that having my brain back on means that I feel like working again, but there’s also all this other stuff in my head that I want to talk about and think about and write about and DO. Gah. So I’ve been making notes for myself so that I can table the stuff. I just hope the enthusiasm is there when I’ve gotten the work done.

I hope this is all coherent, I feel like my brain might not be firing correctly yet. But I’m so excited.

crushes can substitute

I have a weird (I’m not sure eclectic can cover this) taste in music. I acknowledge this. I also tend to have music swings (kinda like mood swings, where I glom onto one band or kind of music for a while). But I think my need of an obsession is getting fed with music for right now.

Right now I’m crushing pretty hard on My Chemical Romance. The lead singer’s voice. The guitar’s curls (ohmygoddoIwanthisHAIR). The drummer (*breathes*). The bassist and second guitarist are damn cute. (I totally don’t konw anything about music really, I used wikipedia.) A long while back I heard Helena and loved it, but I think at the time it was Coheed and Cambria that I was listening to more. And Corsica. And some other random songs that Bear found for me. He’s amazingly good at finding me songs that I’ll love and I’d never find on my own.

I even remember Bear looking at the rest of that My Chemical Romance album and going, “Too bad they don’t have anything that comes close to Helena.” Some months pass and BEAR ends up crushing on Fall Out Boy. (I still don’t get them. I probably never will, although I think I might love Panic at the Disco if I give them half a chance. Maybe after the crush on MCR runs it’s course.)

So I think I was trying to get to how I fell into the crush on MCR, except that I don’t even remember how the rest of the story goes. But that song? I Don’t Love You? Makes me shiver. Literally. I don’t get the video, but the sound quality is better than the live versions I found on Youtube.

Too bad that my crush on Vampire Weekend died before it could go past a love of the song Oxford Comma. (that version is my favorite, but you can find the studio version here)

Breathing is important

Important lesson of the day. When trying to laugh silently while reading Smart Bitches, you must remember to stop and breathe. Because passing out is just as distracting to your coworkers as braying laughter.