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emmy [AT] curious-notions {dot} net
January 2009
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air quality is actually pretty important

I think there is something up with the air in the lab where I work. This is the second day in a row where my eyes sting when I’m working but are fine when I go outside or home or another building.

Divine Intervention by Taking Back Sunday

TBS is one of those bands for me that just… a staple. Something that I can almost always listen to on repeat. This one is kinda sad? But at the same time strikes me as a love song?

Despondent, distracted,
You’re vicious, unromantic; (The lyrics all over the internet have “and romantic”, but I really really don’t hear the and, I hear un-)
These are a few of my favorite things.
All of those flavors and
This is what you choose:
Past the blues, past the blues,
And on to something new,

Something real, make it timeless,
An act of God and nothing less will be accepted.
So if you’re calling me out,
Then count me out.

Yeah, we’re stubborn and melodramatic,
A real class act.
You see, I know a few of your favorite things.
Five in the morning and all comes out pouring,
Love, out the same way in.

Something real, make it timeless,
An act of God and nothing less will be accepted.
Now if you’re calling me out,
Then count me out.

Something real, make it timeless,
An act of God and nothing less will be accepted.
I said real, make it timeless,
An act of God and nothing less will be accepted.
Now if you’re calling me out,
Then count me out.

whiny bitch

So this weekend was a little crazy. AJ left town and I drove her to the bus station and picked her up when she came back. I also had a potential labmate come to town for a workshop and she stayed with Bear and I. I ended up picking her up at the bus station and driving her to campus through the 6 inches of snow that got dumped on us between Saturday night and Sunday morning. Then it snowed again Sunday night after I picked her up so Monday morning’s drive to drop her off again wasn’t fun either. I also made approximately 5,902,203 trips to the grocery store. Monday after I dropped the labmate at ass o’clock and put Bear to sleep I went to AJ’s and just did nothing but sit on her couch and watch her cook and watch Criminal Minds until almost midnight. It was exactly what I needed and AJ said she was happy about it too.

I know I didn’t actually DO much, there were huge chunks of time between all the picking people up and dropping them off and going to the grocery store and poking at Bear, but I just felt like there wasn’t any time. Like I’d put on all my layers, every drive took 5x as long, get home and inside, warm up, take off all my layers, then it’d be time to start all over again. Didn’t help that it just kept snowing so constantly. It would have been a million times worse if I had had to spend all my time shoveling. Bear and I really do have the best landlords.

I’m whiny. I’ve been whiny since Saturday I think. I’ve been feeling kinda uncertain too. I need to get on top of some shit like my research, which hasn’t been moving all that great lately. I had some good moments Thursday, but then I went into having a visitor panic and I haven’t revisited it since.

The inauguration yesterday was pretty special though. And Bear’s mom called last night, she was super excited about the inaugaration and wants Bear and I to figure out a way that she can have it on a dvd so she can show her grandkids. She also took the oppurtunity to make sure I realized that I should have said grandkids before I’m 35. Just FYI you know. I don’t want to lose my chance you know. Really wouldn’t be good for my health to wait that long.

*sighs* She is so cute and I think for now I’ll just laugh and enjoy it and not think about how this is only the beginning. From now until I either turn 35 or give her grandkids it will continue and probably only get worse. I hate when she calls and Bear is sleeping for more than one reason.

For all my whining, life is pretty spectacular right now.

Oh, except for the fact that I got to work today and my dragon that I’d taken to school from the set Bear gave me at my birthday had its tail fucking snapped off. I’m so pissed. I don’t know who and I’m not pointing fingers and I’m just assuming it was cleaning people and I’m not replacing it but fucking hell. Just. Hell. I’ll find glue for porcelain and probably you won’t be able to even tell once I’ve glued it back because it’s a clean break. I’m still pissed.

Silver and gold

Y’all. It’s 14 degrees outside. At 1:15pm. So it’s a bit cold. My fingers still feel funny from the cold from putting gas in the car this morning. Not frostbite or anything, just that it was 10 degrees and I didn’t have gloves.

So, last couple of days. Let’s see, spent the weekend with AJ. It was good. Felt very good to have girltimes and talking about stories and fluttering about a series that AJ has me hooked on now. (Criminal Minds. Spencer Reid is hot. I love, love, love intelligence and sweetness on a guy when it isn’t fake. Spencer has his edges.) Then Monday Bear and I went home and went to our respective corners. I don’t know why, but we’ve been doing plenty of alone time. We still have our little moments, but I feel like we are giving each other a lot of space. Maybe we are taking our own space? I don’t know. It’s been happening since we came back from break I think? Bear would probably tell me I’m being paranoid and overthinking. Probably he would be right.

Then late Monday night I ended up going to keep AJ company after she got some bad news and stayed kinda late. Went home and put Bear and I to bed. That actually took a while. I really enjoyed the whole thing though. It felt so fucking good having dinner and normal time with Bear, then hanging out with AJ, then going home and falling asleep with Bear. Like, I was alive and it was life. It really sucks that AJ had a bad night, I don’t wish that on her. I think I’m just anticipating having a good friendship and Bear. I’m apparently greedy. Then I try not to be greedy.

Then Tuesday I stayed home because I lost my parking decal. I am a moron who didn’t think to put it on her car right away and lost it somewhere over the weekend. It wasn’t at home or in my car or at AJ’s home. Whatever. I got a day at home, putting around and working. Then Bear and I went out to dinner. It was one of those awesome times where we talked easily and were quiet sometimes and it was just us. I love it when we are us and aren’t uncomfortable or itchy or just not there. We talked about me having a real friendship and not just acquaintances or best friends who live thousands of miles away. We talked about how Bear has the friends he has and is happy and he is in no way unhappy with me adjusting our life to include real friends. Of course, what he said was more like, “I’m really happy you want to go and have fun. I like having the house to myself woman.”

I don’t know why this friendship with AJ is making me so meta. Probably I always am. Cause I’m a freak like that. But the worries about whether adding another real friendship to my life will take away from Lin or Bear or whether I’m pushing a relationship with AJ too fast or whether Bear is uncomfortable with having someone around who hasn’t known him as long as Lin has are constant. I keep finding out though that I’m imagining these worries. Bear is happy. Lin is… happy with me. I wish I could make the rest of her life go better right now. AJ… I don’t automatically know how she’s doing. It’s probably really weird that I keep thinking I should though. We just don’t have the history. I think she’s ok.

Well, anyways, yesterday Bear and I made dinner for us and AJ. She had some time and was on our side of town. Salmon, rice and salad.Pretty sure AJ liked it. We talked for a bit, watched some Criminal Minds for a bit, then she had to go.

Pretty normal fare for Bear and I. He kinda wanted to make it better. He doesn’t want to be the reason that AJ would stop being friends with me. As much as I like AJ and want to take care of her and be there for her and have her be there for me and talk to her and hear everything she wants to share and share so much with her, and as much as I know that I’m *this* close to loving her, Bear is part of me, so if she couldn’t deal with him (which isn’t the case at all, but I’m trying to relate what I told him), then the friendship would kind of be over no matter how much he would want it to work. The awesome thing is that as far as I can tell, AJ does think Bear is kinda weird but cute. Considering that’s in line with how I view him, I’m pretty happy.