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emmy [AT] curious-notions {dot} net
March 2009
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So Bright

I fell asleep last night counting the four biggest blessings of my life. Sadly, this will not live up to the words that came to my head last night. The words I type on a page are never anything compared to the ones in my head as I’m falling asleep, but these, to describe my loves, will never measure up.

When I was almost exactly a year and a half, I got a brother. He has been mine since that day. My confidant. My playmate. My tormentor. My puzzle. My whipping boy. My co-conspirator. My little brother. He has taught me the little bit I know about patience. He taught me to look in strange places for unexpected gifts. He taught me how to be a sheild. How to love. How to survive. How to fight. How to forgive. How to take days as gifts. With him at my back, we survived anything and everything life threw at us (even crappy dates and dances). He was my first and greatest gift because without him being born into my life I might never have met anyone like him. I would take crappy parents and confusing family members in order to get him over and over again.

When I was in Kindergarten and 1st grade, life thew this little girl at me. Nothing came of it. Again in 6th grade I met her at an academic competition thing. I didn’t even recognize her. At 14 we met as freshman in the same school and other than oh hey we were in Kindergarten together, we STILL ignored each other. So finally life threw us together so hard we struck sparks. It was a horrific fight where we thought the other was the worst bitch and friend (to another mutual friend). We continued to disagree about everything. Love. Hate. Abortion. Religion. Friendship. Fighting. How to wear glasses. How to eat. How to disagree. How to not smother people. How to handle when mutual friends cut you out of their group (ohmygod do not lie about it). But finally finally finally we were in each others lives and we’ve managed to keep each other since. She opened up my eyes in so many ways. She taught me about fun and girliness and best friends and how to lie while not lying and the internet and clothes and how to not be a bitch. There are infinitely many other things, but I honestly cannot list them all. She’s my living miracle and proof that life gives you what you need.

At 16 I, by the Grace of God and all that is Holy and Good, met my husband. It was the chanciest of meetings. It was with a man that did not give many people a chance to worm their way under his defenses. It was me, at an age where I knew so very little about how to appreciate chances and secrets and truths. I look back on my life and marvel that so many many things that should have pulled us apart didn’t. Our parents. The distance. The AGES (ohmygod I was 16 and he was 20 and we were BABIES). The EXPENSE (I do not even THINK about how much money was spent on phone bills and phone cards). But Bear taught me about perseverance and respect and honor and trust and belief. He taught me how to be kind. How to appreciate innate gifts in yourself and others. How to handle bad times and sad times and disappointment. How sometimes the best thing in the world is snuggles and warm kisses when you are stealing five more minutes in the morning before you get up. I thought, after we got married, that my life could not get any better. That I had been given these incredible gifts. These precious people that made my life worth living.

Then, a few months ago, I got another gift. This time it came in the form of a friend when I most needed one. I thought I was getting someone to have a few meals with. Share some books. Gossip a little. I got so much more (but those things too and it is so awesome). I got someone who taught me how to keep appreciating the smaller gifts. She’s taught me how to enjoy all the weird places in my brain and the time I have to give and the way I love and how people can surprise you even if you are looking RIGHT at them. How sometimes gifts only come for a short period of time, but you appreciate them just the same and all the more. How good things come in small packages too sometimes. How sometimes, even if something looks or acts broken, it is beautiful and does not need fixing. How you can have someone who isn’t an opposite, but still love the similarities and the places where there are differences.

These are my peeps. I wish I could have shared them instead of just sharing their impact on me, but I was trying to respect their privacy as much as possible while still explaining why they are my blessings, my lights. I love them.

What you choose

I suck at updating sometimes.
Drive by update:

  • Quals take two. Week extension UGH
  • I have The Book of Love by Magnetic Fields on repeat
  • This tea I am drinking is very very good, especially once you push it past the 4th infusion. Gets buttery and vegetal.
  • I fell down the stairs and now have a spectacular bruise across my ass. The pain was an exponential drop off during the 24 hours that followed. The biggest lesson has been going to the bathroom. Toilet seats are hard and cold and no matter how much the pain isn’t bothering you, you are going to feel that bruise when you sit on a toilet seat.
  • This makes the third time I’ve slipped on those inside stairs. If you count the time I fell on the outside steps, that makes 4 falls at this apartment. I’ve never fallen anywhere else and almost all the places I’ve lived have had stairs (counting 5 homes in my lifetime, the 3 most substantial and recent all had stairs that I had to use every day). I might actually need to take AJ’s advice and get a runner. Or Annie’s and get bathtub footsies.
  • My heart hurts for my loved ones right now.
  • The paper that never ends is still not ending. Week extension
  • I am not looking forward to making a poster and having to stand in front of it for hours in boredom