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emmy [AT] curious-notions {dot} net
May 2009
« Apr   Jun »

Need My Disease

Emmy: you know that song that goes oh baby youuuuuuuu
Emmy: you got what i need
Emmy: but you say he’s just a friend
Emmy: you know that song?
Emmy: that song
Emmy: listen to it
Emmy: and then i’ll tell you something
Linda: i know this song
Linda: i sing this sometimes drunk
Linda: like
Linda: yell it
Linda: not sing it
Linda: you gottt what i neeeeeeeeeeeeed
Linda: oh babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy you got what i neeedddd
Emmy: Bear
Emmy: every time i hear it
Emmy: and i go baby you got what i need
Emmy: and Bear goes
Emmy: baby you. you got a disease
Linda: lol
Emmy: and you gave it to a friend and he can’t have a sex again
Emmy: that’s what Bear sings
Linda: lol
Linda: lol
Linda: lol
Emmy: so i got “BABY-”
Linda: awwwwwwwwww cute little bit
Emmy: that’s Bear and me
Emmy: *sighs*
Emmy: i sing a song about him having what i need
Emmy: and he sings about me having a disease
Emmy: i should blog that
Linda: you should

Edited so that it looks like Linda and I can type.

Be Real. Fo sho.

Many of the people closest to me are either cynics or pessimists. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had arguments just because I didn’t buy that something was as bleak or doomed as I was being told it was. What’s funny is that I’m not an optimist. I just believe that sometimes life sucks and sometimes life rocks and that you can just keep focusing on the stuff that rocks and learn from the stuff that sucks. It doesn’t always work. I don’t believe in optimists either. No one leads a truly charmed life and it’s pointless to think that everything is going to be good. Just real.

(message for linda: I make bad jokes, huh?)


I played with a baby last night. I feel this is important. Obviously. Hes at that age where he’s a baby baby still, but he’s also super curious about the world around him and wanting to walk and SEE and do things. He’s just not quite there yet. He crawled all over me and drooled on me while his parents and AJ danced and then he passed out on me. We had a moment or two where he was like… I do not know you or your smell. Then he ate my shirt and I walked him around the floor a bit and we were ok. I held him for at least a good hour. My arms are a little tired today. Not bad, he’s a little guy, but I haven’t held a baby in forever. I’ve missed it. I still don’t want my own, because I have so much stuff I want to do before I consider giving my life over to raising a person. I still miss watching a baby notice things and interact and smile and frown and communicate with you despite the inability to speak. You can see and feel them processing the world around them SO fast. I’ve always loved being a part of that.

I saw the baby though cause I went to watch AJ dance. I think she thought I went to play with the baby, but I’ve always believed that babies should have their space respected even harder than adults because they can’t speak. I figured I’d meet baby, he’d be like… um don’t know you and I’d just be there to see AJ. I’ve heard about her dancing since I met her. I’ve gotta tell you, I don’t know if all dancing is so entertaining to watch, but this was entertaining. Picking out how different partners adjusted to each other and did or didn’t like each other, trying to see when a follow or a lead screwed up. Watching the different styles and the little kicks and twirls. I liked watching AJ dance. She’ll say she’s not one of the better follows that was there last night, but I thought she was pretty good. I really wanted to see her dance with some of the better leads more, because I could tell when she danced with some of the better ones, she was better too.

I had one of the guys there try and teach me for a song and half. It’s kinda freaking hard. Doesn’t help that I have no ability to keep my body to a rhythm.

So yeah. Last night was full. Even fuller cause I played with Bear and took AJ home when it became apparent that her bus was not coming and then came home and messed with Bear again and then Bear woke me up at 4am because he couldn’t sleep and then got pouty with me when I was grouchy with him but I finally finally got both of us to sleep and I dreamed about Cerebus. I don’t even know why or how and I didn’t wake up scared.

bad story = bad touch

I read a book that made me hit Bear. (Let’s table the discussion about whether it actually made me and whether there was actual spousal abuse, k? Bear was all wah wah and he whapped me back to make me stop. The whapping me back helped with my frustration. I didn’t tell him why I hit him though. I think it would have broken his brain. Also, I’ve hit him worse when I was rubbing his back. This was not abuse. It just was without context.)

So, book that actually made me frustrated enough that I needed a physical vent for it. I wrote out at least five MAJOR problems as I saw them, but I deleted it.  I’m not reviewing this book. Y’all aren’t gonna read this book. Mostly I’ll just share this one bit that ruined a strong interesting woman for me:

Woman was stalked then nearly murdered. Woman admits to issues with men who do anything even slightly stalkerish. Man does slightly stalkerish things and Woman goes, oh, but I trust you DESPITE ONLY BARELY HAVING MET YOU and you doing these CREEPY THINGS.

There’s a lot in this book that I thought was WRONG but am willing to bet that someone with more knowledge or a different perspective could argue that that’s the way life really is and how people do act and I’m just seeing it too strongly through my own eyes. But if you are a woman who has been made vulnerable and been hurt by a man, extending trust to a man is going to be kinda hard. When an author goes to pains to show you how hard it is to win said woman’s trust and how many things said woman has built into her life in order to be functional, I refuse. REFUSE as a woman to believe that she’s going to notice the hero doing something creepy and not be like NO. You are not allowed to do these things around me. Other women may not have a problem or may even find it attractive that you track them down at work on a Saturday when no one else is around, but I find it AWFUL AND SICKENING AND YOU CANNOT DO IT.

If I am screaming at the hero because I have developed flinches FOR the heroine, but she is all yay happy, that alone is enough to make me pissed. Fuckingaiosjjoivfwev. I knew I should have gone to sff books for a while. Mysteries maybe. My patience with romance is pretty fucking low.