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emmy [AT] curious-notions {dot} net
August 2009
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growing green things

I have tomatoes. And plants that are still falling over. Guh.

So. As you can see, the poor Siberian (last picture) plant ended up having to be propped up against the house. The Stripey plant (second picture) is propped up against the fence. Apparently, the wind was strong enough to rip the plant off the fence (there were branches tangled in the fence) and knocked a bunch of tomatoes off today. These pictures are all from yesterday. But look at that beautiful Black Prince and Bradley planter (first picture). Sitting there with two big tomatoes ripening on the vine. Gorgeous yes?? Sadly though, I think I’ll only get the one tomato from the Bradley plant.

I do have some ripe tomatoes from Stripey and Siberian.

The green ones on the bottom are casualties from all the times Stripey or Siberian fell. When Stripey fell again today, it doubled the output you see there. Now I have only red tomatoes in that tupperware and I have an even bigger one full of green tomatoes.

A few of the Stripey tomatoes split kind of violently about 4 days ago.

I’ve got about half a dozen tomatoes that look like that. *winces* I’ve abused these plants so badly this year.

But the Bradley tomato is gorgeous

And the Black Prince tomatoes are starting to ripen

Crushing gratitude

I’ve been talking about Bear a lot on here lately. Probably I should just give up and admit that I will always talk about Bear a lot on here. I admire Bear. I respect him. I love him. I find him endlessly entertaining. I find him comforting and frustrating and motivating. There are times I hero worship him a little. I mean, it’s nicely balanced by the spitting frustration I get when he takes off his socks right when he comes into the house and leaves them on the floor where he took them off, but it still happens.

Today I needed to ask him a question and tell him something and when I picked up the phone to call him I got a funny feeling. I was giddy. This probably doesn’t make sense, but I was actually giddy because I CAN call him. Even though he’s at work and even though he’s coming home later. I think it’s because for a long time phone calls with Bear were events. Carefully thought out and planned and expensive. Then, later when they weren’t expensive they still weren’t appropriate a lot of the time.

It’s funny realizing that even though you are married to a person, and have been in an acknowledged, celebrated relationship for years, you can still get giddy over having the privilege of being able to pick up the phone when you need to ask them a question. I hope this feeling never ever goes away and that 20 years from now I still get moments where it hits me that he is in my life and when I need him, if he’s not already right there, I can just pick up the phone and he’ll answer with “Hi Em.”

Why I love Bear, part a

I have no idea where I am in this series, if there’s even a counting scheme going anymore at this point.

Today, Bear is having one of his Sad Days. I realize this is a childish and unfair label to stick on days like these, but it works in my head. I’m not going to invade his privacy by talking about what days like this are, just give a little background into why I’m mentioning my love for Bear on a day like today. Usually when Bear has a day like this, he says shit. My responses vary. Sometimes I ignore the words, but give him extra hugs or cuddles or space. Sometimes I argue with him, despite it never actually effecting any kind of change in his mood. Sometimes I give him a look and a “hai, hai.” with an attitude that clearly conveys how little sense I think he’s making.

I realize that some of these responses are probably utterly wrong. I realize that at times I am not helpful and at times am possibly harmful. The difficulty is that sometimes one response will actually nudge him in a good way and sometimes that same response will make it worse. After seven years, the best I can do is to just go with what I’m feeling.

Today, completely out of tune with his Sad Day, my response to Bear’s bonecrushing despair was to enumerate how much and how many ways I love him. Why I admire him. Why I want him even on his Sad Days. This embarrassed him and did not have much of an effect but I couldn’t turn it off. He fell asleep. (Lemme tell you, sleepless nights never help the Sad Days. Sometimes they don’t cause them, but they NEVER help.) As he was sleeping I laid down next to him and started telling him all the things that he wouldn’t let me tell him while he was awake. I would say about 3 things and he would go “wha?” and I’d pet him and he’d fall back asleep and I’d wait and then I’d start talking really softly into his shoulder again and he’d go “wha?” and it would start all over. Finally at one point he goes “What? You said somethin.”  I kept my voice really soft but I moved so that he could hear me and said “Just telling you I love you.”

You know what that fucker said? “Oh, good. I was getting worried you were saying some black voodoo at me.” Then he turned back into his pillow and started snoring again.

daily dose

My eyes hurt. I hate when Bear works himself up so badly because he’s worried about work or is trying to pretend morning isn’t coming that he can’t sleep and so I can’t sleep because I can practically feel his mind turning. Sometimes after that happens I can’t sleep even after he’s passed out. I think I was up until 5? I clearly remember looking up while Bear was snoring and thinking “shit. That’s sunrise.” So yeah. I don’t want to work because it hurts looking at the computer.

Yesterday Bear found me an anime to watch that I’m actually really enjoying (called Lovely Complex if you care). I took a break and went upstairs and was bouncing at him telling him how much I was liking it and he goes “I’m so glad I can tell when you like something.” I stopped dead and scoffed. “Yeah because I was making it so hard on you.” My excitement was cracking him up. I am not a subtle person. He has nothing to worry about.

It’s always weird to me when I get better after I was sick because I never feel sick when I am. But then later I’ll be doing stuff that I just couldn’t be bothered with before because duh, not feeling well. I’m always surprised at myself. I don’t know why I’d rather think of myself as being lazy than just be aware that I’ve got the flu and that’s going to influence my energy levels. I think Bear is finally kicking it off because this weekend there wasn’t any complaints about him “getting sick again, really this isn’t the same thing Em. It smells different.” I tried very hard to explain to him how even after the fever and the worst of the congestion is gone, I still had shit in my lungs too, but Bear loves to win the my-sob-story-trumps-yours game. I’ve got to break him of that before he teaches that to any future/possible offspring.

I have a ripening tomato. On Mr. Stripey. And it’s not as big as some of the other green tomatoes and I don’t know what’s up with that.

I’m pretty boring. It was really hot this weekend so Bear and I spent most of it sweaty and gross. I shouldn’t blog when I’m tired.