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emmy [AT] curious-notions {dot} net
August 2009
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rubber traction stickers on my stairs

It’s a funny thing how the minute you think you are certain of a thing, life challenges that assumption. I’ve long stated that if I loved, it was for forever. It’s been a bedrock assumption of mine that that’s how I love. The other assumption is that this is a valid, although obviously not the only, way to love. I must have told one too many people or something because a bunch of shit happened that made me go, well fuck, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m wrong about the validity, maybe I’m wrong about how I love. Maybe I’m just wrong all around. I don’t know.

Momma always said I needed to be kicked off my high horse sometimes. *bows deeply* I feel kicked. It’s good in a way. It hurts, but I’m trying to learn to accept and appreciate pain even as I accept and appreciate joy and pleasure. Not sure how well I’m doing there, but I’m trying.

Interestingly enough, because duh, this always happens, but I’ve been noticing this theme of how refusing to let go can be destructive or how sometimes people must move along to be better and healthier. There are stories and news bits and conversations about this, but I’m going to share the songs. The first was a song by Jenny Owens Young. I’ve already got a blog post with that song embedded so I’ll skip it.

The next was a song by Sara Bareilles. I’m not embedding the song because I’m not that partial to it. I’m not sure what made me decide to listen to this one. It’s kinda lacking something that makes it grounded and human and thus accessible to me, but it’s about asking someone to let you go.

The next I love so much more I can’t even describe. It’s Amanda Palmer covering a song by Momus. (I have no idea who this is and I really prefer AP’s version to the one version I found on youtube by Momus.) The video isn’t pretty like the previous one, it’s just Amanda singing. (Not that she’s not pretty, but whatever. You understand what I mean. It’s not a music video. It’s Amanda being gorgeous and singing a gorgeous song.) I would try to sum up what the lyrics mean to me, but I think deciphering what’s being said in all the recursion is part of what makes this song brilliant and Amanda makes it human and grounded and enormous at the same time.

instamatic

Bear has the flu. He had a fever of 101.5 last night. (The old mercury thermometers are supposed to stay in 2 minutes right? Well, it was around there.) I’ve had a cold since I came back from IL, but now I’m wondering if I had taken my temp on Monday what it would have registered at because I’m still coughing up phlegm. Bear of course is dying and I am a mean bitch who has no sympathy for him clearly. Whatever. I totally scoured our kitchen yesterday when I realized I couldn’t go into work coughing up phlegm all over everyone. (My advisor already told me not to go in if I was gonna get everyone sick. If your cough is moving stuff out of your lungs, then you are contagious.) It’s hard to have sympathy for someone when you were just as bad as them, but whined less. He’s lucky I find him adorable.

And sadly, I just read this over and realized the fondness in my head isn’t translating. I’m not pissed. Amused and only very slightly irritated.

I might go make cupcakes here in a minute. I need something to keep me occupied not looking at the computer screen. The flu or cold or whatever makes my eyestrain really bad. Thursday my eyes were twitching so badly I could barely see.