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emmy [AT] curious-notions {dot} net
May 2011
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How the modern stay scared

Bear and I have been busy bees. My Gilligan came to visit and then Bear and I went to my hometown for a family thing. Bear and I ended up having a kind of shitty trip. It started off ok, but the last straw was the plane flight home. To preface this story, Bear snores. When he’s in bed, he snores REALLY loud, but when he’s sitting up, it’s mostly pretty soft. Also, our flight was turbulent. A lot of shaking and upset. Last point of note, he’s got the aisle seat and I’m in the middle.

So we get on the plane and Bear falls asleep while we are taxing down the runway. After he falls asleep I’m trying to get comfy and I notice the lady across the aisle from him is MAD. I’m not sure at what, but she’s glaring. After takeoff the kid in front of Bear leans his chair back. Bear wakes up when the chair jams into his knees and sticks one foot in the aisle and the other in front of me. I readjust myself and notice the woman is GLARING at Bear’s foot. I’m like great, she’s one of those that is pissed that he’s too big or that he’s not following the strict rules. To avoid her saying something, I wake Bear up when the flight attendants come by, especially when they have the cart.

A few minutes after we’ve all settled back down with drinks, Bear gets jostled pretty bad when the lady gets up. She jabs her knee or foot into him. I couldn’t see exactly because at this point I wasn’t paying attention. Thankfully Bear goes back to sleep. Now, until this lady jabs him, NO ONE ELSE on the plane has had any trouble with Bear’s foot. I can see how it’s a little rude of him. If the kid in front of him hadn’t leaned back, he would have kept his knees in his space, but short of cutting off his legs, there just wasn’t a lot of options at this point.

After the lady sits back down, I start kinda keeping an eye on her. Not seriously, but she’s starting to wig me out a bit with all her glaring and her deliberately(?) jabbing Bear. About 30 or so minutes pass and suddenly she reaches across the aisle and shoves Bear in the shoulder saying “Some of us would like to sleep too!” Bear and I were in complete shock. I started to get angry at this point. Bear put on his headphones and cranked up his ipod to try and keep himself awake.

Unfortunately it wasn’t to be because a few minutes later I realized I desperately needed to pee. I was also still very very upset. When I was waiting in line for the bathroom, a flight attendant was hanging back there for a few minutes after she’d finished cleaning. I decided to explain the situation and ask her if she thought we should call them if something else happened. The FA asked if we’d said anything to the lady and upon discovering that we hadn’t, advised us to call them if ANYTHING happened.

I eventually go back to my seat. Bear eventually falls asleep. The lady eventually wakes up. I then hear her muttering. Then I hear her saying “HOW CAN YOU BE SO INCONSIDERATE?!? THIS IS A FULL FLIGHT DO YOU NOT REALIZE?” I ignore it and scrunch down into my seat. I didn’t even think about the FA at this point. I just couldn’t believe she was going to be just that loud. The guy who was in the seat behind Bear was standing in the aisle. He heard her. I heard her. The people in front and behind her heard her. But Bear still had headphones on his head. I didn’t get how she thought he could hear her

A few minutes later the FA comes by with water and because I’m hyper sensitive I see her take some. I think “Great. Drink some water and calm your ass down.” I should have known this wouldn’t work. I see her clenching her little cup to the point that it starts to crumple a bit. I start getting anxious. I really want her to hold her shit together. We have less than an hour left on the flight.

Of course she stands up though before she’s even finished her water. The guy that was in the aisle moves into his seat to let her pass. She reaches for the back of Bear’s seat. There’s no turbulence at this point. She SHOVES hard and Bear’s seat slams back, waking him and startling me and the standing dude. My blood boils and I loudly call “M’am!”. In that second the standing guy moves back into the aisle preventing her from moving away. She ignores me and I continue to call “M’am!” at a woman standing less than 4 feet from me. After about 4 times she gives me this false innocent confused look and says “Yes?” I said “Could you please leave my husband alone?” She says, “I was just trying to get past this man here.” I said “This isn’t the first time you’ve woken my husband, could you please leave him alone?” She looks at me and says “Im going to get the flight attendant.” My hand shot up and pushed the call button.

At this point Bear was trying desperately to get me to let it go and I tried to explain to him that I needed her to stop. She had been making me tense this whole flight almost. I then hear the flight attendant ask the lady “Did you touch her husband?” I assume the lady had told her that I was causing a commotion. The lady responds “I was just touching the back of his chair.” The flight attendant says “Did you touch her husband earlier?” The lady shifts back towards Bear’s chair and touches the back as if to demonstrate, “Right now, I just touched the back of it” The flight attendants voice gets kind of stringent. “Did you AT ANY TIME touch her husband?” The lady clearly has had enough as well “HE WAS SNORING.”

At this point I’m pretty sure the crazy must have been obvious on her face too because the Flight Attendant shuffled the lady away. We were told they were going to see if she was agreeable to moving seats. Bear was told very kindly that he should not be touched or allowed to feel bad for snoring on an airplane. Apparently the lady didn’t want to move though because right before we all had to be seated for landing she pops back into her seat. She didn’t look at us or say anything for the rest of the flight.

True story. Lets just say Bear and I gave her PLENTY of space when we were getting off the plane.