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emmy [AT] curious-notions {dot} net
December 2022
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Shot him down

I don’t know what it is about me, but whenever I get too excited about stuff, I tend to cause it to fall apart. I overwhelm people or I make it too complicated and the next thing I know I’m upset or Bear is upset or someone is upset and the plan has to be killed or abandoned or recalibrated. Thanksgiving this year almost went the same way. Bear and my aunt did get upset, but I think we managed to save it.

The reason it happened was totally down to me talking too much to one too many people. I know Bear has said it in the past, but I really have to figure out a way of checking myself when I get excited or anxious. My mouth just runs in those situations and it almost always becomes a problem.

I had no intention of this post being so dark. I’m actually in a really great mood today. Happier posts to come later in the week, I promise.

Something inside you

Hi. I’m back. I’ve been working for about 4 months now? Omg. So long since I’ve updated. It’s been WAY too long since I updated, so there’s no recap about life or anything. Just hi.

Actually I will give a little info about my job. We use the Agile process at work, which isn’t too bad except how it sets up every third week (for us) to be hellish. The idea behind Agile is that you have internal periods of work called sprints. So each sprint is a period of time in which development happens and the end of sprint is a deadline in which you should have some kind of tangible progress. You demo your “feature” or whatever on the last day of the sprint and on the first day of the sprint you pick new work for the next 3 weeks. So all of this is fine and dandy, but that third week (sprints are highly configurable, my team works on 3 week sprints) is this huge push to get all our stuff done. It means that as a team we are pretty productive, but it also means that this week I put in 30 hours in the first 3 days of this week.  I slept more like 6 hours or less each night and on Thursday when I came into work and stuff was breaking all over the place, I ended up with a huge very painful headache and slept for about 10 hours straight that night. That was fun.

Then today I went out to lunch with some of the better people I’ve found at our company to this really really awesome lunch place. It is a total hole in the wall, but the food was so tasty and cheap. Apparently it’s very authentic and there are menu items that aren’t on the board. I had the hand pulled noodles.

Not bad for a camera photo! I should have taken the picture before I ate most of the lunch, but I was hungry. I hadn’t had breakfast and it was already 1:30 by the time we got our food. The noodles were plain but at the bottom of the bowl was a lot of chili oil and on top of the noodles was a ton of ground chili flakes and garlic and cilantro. LOTS OF GARLIC. When I picked Bear up from work he was like “WOAH. Enjoy your garlic?” But that’s just part of what made it so good. It was not very spicy at all. Apparently sometimes it’s VERY spicy and sometimes… not so much. I’m sad I didn’t get it on a good day.

I’ve been journaling in my paper journal for the last few months and writing love letters to my Rainbow Oreo and snuggling Bear to keep myself sane in the transition between grad school, unemployment and now fulltime employment. It’s been a transition. I think I’m going to try and set up the ability to email the blog posts in the hopes that would make things easier and make posting more frequent.

(Rainbow Oreo: The line is from the Nightcall song.)

When I’m employed

Bear remarked the other day that I haven’t updated the blog in awhile. I figure if he-who-never-visits noticed that I haven’t blogged, then something really needed to be done.

So, big news first: I have a job. It’s so exciting. I haven’t started yet, so it gets to be exciting without a paycheck or a commute or co-workers (good and bad). I’ve told this to a lot of people lately, but I’ll say it here too. I like having a job. I’m the kind of person who does better when she has somewhere to go and jobs to do. I do better under pressure. If I have all the time in the world, I never ever have enough time. I don’t know how, but I have LESS time now to go get groceries than I did while I was getting my MS. Speaking of!!! They mailed my diploma. It was kinda weird getting it in the mail. I literally looked at it and was like, why do I have two of these? Not the degree itself, but the paper. It’s kinda silly. I think I got over certificates when I was in the 4th grade.

Ok. I don’t know where that came from.


So anyways, I will soon be contributing to the household again, this time in a more significant fashion. I’m excited. I’m also excited about work. I’m excited about having a new place to make a wee little home in. I don’t get a cubicle, I’m not excited about that, but I’ll get over it.

So actually, nothing has changed with me. Stuff will, but other than feeling about 50x better, nothing has. I’ve been playing with Goldilocks (little grandson who is visiting his grandma, Left), playing with fountain pens and ink. I still knit. I still play on my computer.

Bear rebuilt my computer for me. Actually, I have a picture:

That picture was taken right after Bear put the new innards into the case. It’s all pretty and spiffy. There’s some dust now. This is what I get for not posting for two months.

I also have a new scarf:

(Apparently I don’t have pictures of the finished scarf. Enjoy these inprogress pictures:)

(RIGHT after I took that picture, the stupid tube of chapstick fell. OF COURSE.)

I also knit myself a hat. I used the same yarn that I had in the fingerless mittens from the previous post. It wasn’t enough yarn to make an entire hat, so I supplemented with some white yarn to make a striped hat. I think it’s lovely, but I don’t have pictures of that either. I’ve also spun some yarn! So apparently I have been productive the last 3 months. I just was mopey and didn’t blog. Weird to only realize that now.

Ok. I’ll be back with a more coherent post at some point. Probably with pictures of the finished scarf and the hat and some other stuff.

Oh. Bear and I also took  a honeymoon. (4 years after we got married!) It was a fantastic few days.

of great social and political import

I was totally going to post this yesterday and do a sad little Music Monday. I failed. If someone wants to know what I’m listening to: Mercedes Benz by Janis Joplin. (That’s a Grooveshark link. Youtube link is here.) It’s an old song that I’m listening to because of a conversation that happened as a result of the Superbowl Ad (Super Bowl?). I adore scratchy voices so I’m not even caring what she’s singing, I’m just loving the sound of her voice.

I also love that she’s a woman. That sounds weird. Lemme ‘splain. I listen to a lot of men in music and lately I’ve been noticing how much of our world view, our societal point of view is created by men. So I’ve been trying to consciously pick female points of view. Which has been interesting.

I think a lot about women in society and how most bigotry is systemic. I spend a lot of time reading meta type blogs. I read a lot of blogs by some very perceptive people who are really good at noticing systemic bigotry. I’m not, so it makes me grateful for the blogs that these people write. Because I’m good at finding myself uneasy, but not noticing or understanding why, but these people are.

But in consciously picking my world view influences, I’m noticing something. The male point of view is comfortable. Male voices and turns of phrase and perspectives are all more normative. Female voices and turns of phrase and perspectives feel different. I can’t tell if this difference is purely because as a society everything IS from the male perspective or if it’s a personal issue. Maybe it’s because I AM female. I’d love to try this experiment out on a guy. Pick books, movies, music and articles produced by women and see if the world feels a bit more uncomfortable to them or if it feels more comfortable.

There was (yet another) article from some online magazine/journal/newspaper about how romance novels are pretty shitty and shouldn’t be used as any kind of real life …standard. Plenty of people jumped all over the article, especially because the author of said article admitted IN the article to not reading romance novels. My favorite kinds of snobs are those that are snobbish over things they’ve never experienced. So someone posed a question after reading the article; If you assume that romance novels really are just women’s fantasies, why are men’s fantasies on Super Bowl commercials while women’s fantasies are considered something to be dismissed/talked down/laughed off? We don’t take things that women like or think about seriously. We don’t let women’s fantasies have the same legitimacy as men’s.

What if we can’t even recognize what it would look like if female fantasies WERE considered normative and were on Super Bowl commercials? What if part of the discomfort I feel is because the women produced media is being produced by women in a male tinted culture? I dunno. I’m not even sure how much longer I can keep up my experiment. There’s not enough stuff produced by women, even if it’s meant for men.

(Linda, the title of the post is from the song Mercedes Benz by Janis Joplin. It cracks me up. It’s not meant to be a commentary on the content of the post. AT ALL.)

(ETA: If you didn’t get what I  meant about women in a male tinted world, to wit: Specifically “a teacher at his school came up to him and asked if he was the kid whose mother wrote “trashy romance novels.” I think my mouth dropped open. I asked him what he said. He looked at me and said, “I told her no. You write Superromances.” LOL. So, suck it, random teacher implying I write crap…to my kid.” Jeepers people.)