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Sometimes it’s funny how much life changes and how hard it can be to adjust to those changes while still staying the same. Inertia is such a funny thing. We can attempt so hard to ignore the changes or need for change going on around us. I think our ability to find new points of balance after the changes have swept you over, knocked you ass over teakettle, is such a bizarre thing.
I’m sitting in my living room in Texas. I can both vividly, incredibly strongly, feel the house on PR still around me while staring at this one. I can feel the microfiber fabric on the distorted, uncomfortable sage couch underneath me. I can imagine that Bear is sleeping in our bedroom around the fireplace and past the stairs down to the basement instead of directly on the other side of the fireplace. I’m sitting on our leather monstrosity that both Bear and I can sleep on here in Texas. I’m staring at our windows. It’s black outside here with no neighbors out back or street lamps, but I can still still see the streetlights and Mr and Mrs Right’s house. I’m in that in between phase that you get to when you’ve moved. Neither here nor there. Neither awake nor asleep. Twilight. The moment before dawn. I’m sick with longing for a place we decided to leave. I’m so grateful for the place we’ve made here in Texas. It’s awful and wonderful. It’s been a hard year. Genuinely deeply hard in a way I haven’t experienced in a while. Bear and I are still finding our feet. Bear and I some days are still trying to find if we have feet.
There’ve been some amazingly awesome moments. There’ve been some ugly, awful moments. I’ve been so grateful for the support and love we’ve been shown. I’ve been so grateful to know so many wonderful people. I’ve been so mad, upset, and distressed that I didn’t know how to get out of bed. I’m finding myself again though. I think one of the best signs of this is that my knitting is back. I also have a knitting group now. I have new people to find nicknames for. I have new depths to myself.
I still have Bear. I still have Linda. I still have my family. I still have my mind and my heart. I still have this blog.
Linda, the title is from the song “This is not a love song” by The Juliana Theory. I think the song came out in ’99. For a while now Bear and I have talked about moving. We’ve talked about moving to Virginia. We’ve talked about moving to Florida. We’ve talked about just moving a town or two over from where we are now. In all of this, we’ve never talked about moving to Texas. It’s too conservative. It’s too hot. It’s got lots of crazy people. Then about 7? months ago or so, there were rumors that Google Fiber would be moving to Austin, TX. Bear turned to me and said “How would you feel about moving to Austin?” I long ago had thought that if Bear and I ever moved to Texas, the only place that we’d really want to be was Austin. I thought I had given up the idea though until Bear said that. I flipped and after talking about it for a bit and Bear talking to some of my family about it, Bear and I started looking for work. There seemed to be plenty, but we weren’t having much luck until my bff sent my resume to her HR department.
I’m skipping over a lot of frantic planning and scrambling, but now Bear and I are frantically packing up our house and asking ourselves if we are insane on a near daily basis. As crazy as this news is: Bear and I are moving to Austin.
I haven’t blogged in agessssssss. Oh goodness. I promise I won’t turn into someone that only talks about work, but I worked over 10 hours today. For two weeks I worked straight through, working around 10 hours or more a day. Tomorrow might be just as bad. Considering I stayed up WAY too late last night, I’m probably going to have to crash soon too. All of this is to say that I’ve been working a bit lately. Bear has been aces while I’ve been working my tail off though. It’s been the most awesome thing about having to work this much is seeing how amazing of a partner he can be. I’ve also got family stuff going on. Bear and I are going to visit his mom next month and I’ve been playing an online game with my mom. She’s very attached and plays almost every night and asks me to play with her. So I do very often when I’m not working or telling her I can’t so that I can spend time with Bear. I’ve also been knitting again (YAY). Currently I just have a lot of test squares, but my grandmother has also asked for a turtleneck/scarf thing. I’ve ordered the yarn, it’s just taking a bit to get to me. I’ll post pictures once I figure that out. In the meantime, enjoy my new favorite song:
The Strokes – One Way Trigger Sadly, today I had to face the death of my beloved laptop.
It’s been named many things over the years, most notably, Falkor and most recently, Holiday. Falkor is the name of the Luck Dragon in The Neverending Story and Holiday is a holographic femme fatale in the Star Wars MMORPG that Bear and I were playing. Considering the budget has been constrained since the purchase of Lana (Bear’s Acura) and considering that the only notebook out there with a 2560×1440 or 2560×1600 resolution right now is the Retina Display Mac laptop, we aren’t going to be getting a new notebook right away. I’m trying my best to deal with it like a grown up and not cry into my tea. (Rainbow Oreo, the title is from the song “Cut It Out” by Kitten) |
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