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emmy [AT] curious-notions {dot} net
August 2019
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Wish comes true

Sometimes it’s funny how much life changes and how hard it can be to adjust to those changes while still staying the same. Inertia is such a funny thing. We can attempt so hard to ignore the changes or need for change going on around us. I think our ability to find new points of balance after the changes have swept you over, knocked you ass over teakettle, is such a bizarre thing.

I’m sitting in my living room in Texas. I can both vividly, incredibly strongly, feel the house on PR still around me while staring at this one. I can feel the microfiber fabric on the distorted, uncomfortable sage couch underneath me. I can imagine that Bear is sleeping in our bedroom around the fireplace and past the stairs down to the basement instead of directly on the other side of the fireplace. I’m sitting on our leather monstrosity that both Bear and I can sleep on here in Texas. I’m staring at our windows. It’s black outside here with no neighbors out back or street lamps, but I can still still see the streetlights and Mr and Mrs Right’s house. I’m in that in between phase that you get to when you’ve moved. Neither here nor there. Neither awake nor asleep. Twilight. The moment before dawn. I’m sick with longing for a place we decided to leave. I’m so grateful for the place we’ve made here in Texas. It’s awful and wonderful. It’s been a hard year. Genuinely deeply hard in a way I haven’t experienced in a while. Bear and I are still finding our feet. Bear and I some days are still trying to find if we have feet.

There’ve been some amazingly awesome moments. There’ve been some ugly, awful moments. I’ve been so grateful for the support and love we’ve been shown. I’ve been so grateful to know so many wonderful people. I’ve been so mad, upset, and distressed that I didn’t know how to get out of bed. I’m finding myself again though. I think one of the best signs of this is that my knitting is back. I also have a knitting group now. I have new people to find nicknames for. I have new depths to myself.

I still have Bear. I still have Linda. I still have my family. I still have my mind and my heart. I still have this blog.

Linda, the title is from the song “This is not a love song” by The Juliana Theory. I think the song came out in ’99.

Holds a smile

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

It’s my 30th. I have one of my huge meetings (from 9 until 12:30 even thought I always skip out here and there) today. I am actually kinda happy to turn 30. I’m determined that it should be a good day.

Wordless Wednesday: View from Helicopter

Initial

It turned out that poor Bear couldn’t pick his car up until today. He worked from home so that he would be ready when the car was ready and our dearest lovely neighbors took him to the dealership and Mr Right rode home with him.

When I got home he drove us to dinner in celebration.

It’s really amazing to think we are a two car family now. To think that Bear will drive himself to work instead of riding with me. To think that on days where I’m working from home, I won’t have to take him to work.

Today is a really happy day, but also the tiniest bit of a sad one.