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emmy [AT] curious-notions {dot} net
December 2019
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!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WE ARE FUCKING CLEARED TO CLOSE.

I CANNOT STATE HOW HAPPY I AM.

THANK FUCK.

Dragon Well tea from DRAGON WELL

I had a writer person that I do not actually know call me awesome. It was cool. I’ve had AJ say very nice things about me too, and I totally respect and admire her ability to write, but at this point she loves me and I do not feel her belief in me to be unbiased. Granted, I may have told the other writer person how much I love his shit, so it’s possible there was bias there too and that I should not feel flattered. Whatever. Life has felt like it’s on the edge of breaking for days and days now. The best period of time was between 8:30pm Friday night until 4pm Saturday. Bear and I were practically melding into each other’s skin and I felt so fucking safe and happy and loved. Then I went back to work on my exam and Bear got snippy with me without telling me what I did, so life went back to feeling fragile.

AJ came home yesterday too. The other awesome portion of the weekend was hearing about her trip and seeing all the cool stuff she found and she bought me a jade dragon and Dragon Well tea from Dragon Well. I made heart eyes at her. I have truly been blessed with some fucking awesome people. The stories she had to tell and the high she was on from her trip despite the jetlag was extremely amazing.

My papers are going along. Bear is gonna have to help me tomorrow clean them up and get them ready to turn in on Tuesday. Mom called just to piss me off earlier today (I’m still calling it Sunday although this is going to register as Monday when it posts).

I think I had something interesting to say when I came over to post. It is gone now.

Keepaway and curls

I’m all sad because I can’t share my favorite song right now. Honestly though, I’m not even sure how Bear found it. It’s called Keepaway by Self. I think this song was released on an EP? But it isn’t even available anymore? It has this really really amazing bassline/drum thing to it and the lyrics tell this story. It’s fabulous. Really. ETA: I actually just went looking and found the mp3 available (link to lyrics and mp3) on SeLF’s website.

It’s a good song.

So yesterday I went to get a haircut cause I hadn’t had one in almost 6 months. Bear and I were both looking raggedy. He still is. Then I went home, did my makeup, puttered around the house, got a little work done, went grocery shopping, whatever. I went to pick Bear up and he hadn’t seen my makeup and I always make him look to get a second opinion. His opinion? “It’s not your best.” Um? Really? I’d had all that time and I’d played a little and I’d come up with something that you could barely see (which usually Bear loves) but still had a great impact and I thought it was really great.

So this morning I wake up and I decide I liked the way I looked enough that whatever, I’m doing it again. So same colors on my eyes, same color on my cheeks. I did forget mascara today, but other than that it looked exactly the same. I asked Bear again and he was like, “Wow, that looks really good.” Um, what? Yesterday you are trying to not tell me it looks terrible and today you think it’s great? I’m like, “No dude, it looks exactly the same. Exactly.” So I go to the mirror to see if I look different and I realize. Duh. Yesterday I got my hair cut which means I asked the stylist to straighten it. (I always do this so I can see the actual cut.) Last night I took a shower which meant today my hair was curly. In nearly perfect spirals no less because it’s always curlier the day after it’s cut/straightened. I’ve heard Bear say he prefers my hair curly. I’ve lived with him for 6 years, I’ve heard it many times. I just hadn’t known he really doesn’t like the way I look with it straight.

Weirdly, my hair curly vs straight has caused some of my family and friends to say the ugliest things about my appearance. I mean, I’ve been told I’m fat, but that’s just one word. The curly hair thing? I think my hair was honestly curly all my life, but we didn’t realize it until I was about 14 and the unrelenting frizz prompted a very good friend of my mom’s to get her 20 something daughter to take me out for a day and get an expensive haircut and consultation and to go look at clothes and beauty products. Certain things just didn’t impinge on my mother’s consciousness. I have one family member that I think STILL doesn’t believe that I don’t get my hair permed. He spent a few years making snide/sly remarks about perm chemicals. I have another family member that things I look like I belong in the 80s when my hair is curly. She has several times suggested that I get it chemically straightened. There have been clown comments. There was a teacher at the middle school where my mom works that when I was getting too het up would say my curls was must be getting too tight. Then there are bare acquaintances who will feel compelled to tell me how beautiful my curls are. It’s a weird thing.

Debris in my head

I want to play with Twitter. I think my brother would be a good victim. Unfortunately he’s busy. Boo.

Ma new boots kick ass. They also are a wee bit tighter than my feet are used to shoes being. This is resulting in me being very aware of my feet and how I constantly try to sit on them or prop them up on the computer. I still remember the day I was coding with headphones on and my advisor snuck up on me. I had gotten comfortable with my feet or legs propped up on the computer (warm box down at my feet, duh). She waited until I noticed her and pulled off my headphones to say, “Enjoying your ten thousand dollar foot rest?” Yeah, for all she was just poking at me, I flushed red then and still get uncomfortable when I think of it.

I’m still loving Adele, but “You know what they do to guys like us in prison” by MCR and “Kids” by MGMT and “L.E.S. Artistes” by Santogold are fun dancing songs. Which actually doesn’t help my attempt to finish coding and debugging by Monday…

Ubuntu 8.10 kicks ass. Mostly it looks like 8.04, but it’s snappier and it has little cute things that I’m enjoying. Like the amarok icon displaying the song progress by slowly greying out. 10% of song played means the top 10% of the icon is shaded. For a long time I kept looking at the icon going what is UP with that psycho little thing. Also, having pidgin status integrated into the user switcher. Very cute cool little things. Debating though if I want to install the million packages to get bucket working in gnome.

I found this article yesterday Debt Man Walking” by