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emmy [AT] curious-notions {dot} net
September 2022
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Are you steady now?

I’ve been feeling overdrawn lately. Not tired or empty exactly, but like I’m playing a lot of catch-up instead of staying on a steady pace. I have a weird reaction to this feeling. It’s to try and hole up and stick my head in the sand. Which of course makes the catch-up worse when I crawl back out, but that’s my quirky reaction.

Speaking of quirks, my bff/sister/brain/partner-in-crime/Linda, posted about her quirkiness the other day and I got to thinking about quirks. I like to acknowledge a quirk and then get out of my own way. If I’m suddenly overcome with anxiety about the crack on the ground, I walk around it. If I have to have all the lights off before I go to sleep, I get my ass out of bed and turn them off. I don’t berate myself for having the quirk and make myself neurotic trying to overcome it. So here, for perusal, are some quirks that I’ve either encountered or own.

  • If I’m sleeping, all the lights have to be off.

If Bear is awake while I’m trying to sleep, he can have 1 light. ONE. Anymore than that trips my light anxiety.

  • I can’t get into bed unless my feet are clean.

If they’ve been in socks all day, that’s sometimes ok. But most days either I have to get into bed straight from a shower or I go and wash my feet in the bathroom sink before bedtime. Sometimes the rest of me can be not so clean, but my feet have to be.

  • I don’t like bones.

I don’t like eating around bones. I don’t like other people munching on bones. When Bear cooks something with a bone, I’ll eat the drier breast or I’ll cut the meat away from the bone and give the bone portion to Bear.

  • I don’t like raw meat.

Touching or seeing. Because of this quirk and the bone quirk, I’ve flirted with the idea of being a vegetarian. Bear always thwarts me though. Fish are exempt from the bones and raw quirks. I can eat and touch fish with bones or in the raw.

  • Sometimes I get random OCD. Then it’ll go away.
  • If my inbox has a single unread email, I stay anxious and flinchy until the email is read and marked down somewhere.

Even if all I do is put it down on a “to reply” list, I have to read it and decide what I’m going to do. It can’t sit there. (If I’ve got something that needs urgent attention, but I can’t get to it right then or I’m procrastinating, I’ll deliberately leave it unread or email myself to get that unread email in my inbox.)

  • I can’t have music playing while I read something.

I’ll pause pandora while I’m reading over code and then hit play when I’m writing over and over again during the day. If I take a break to read email, I’ll pause. (Actually hitting pause and play over and over again is too slow so mostly I push my headphones back on my ears and off my ears over and over again. It’s faster.)

  • I can’t listen to music when I’m creating (writing a story, spinning).

(Blog posts and emails are sometimes creative and sometimes …more technical. This can be problematic because often I’ll hit play, but then the music gets in the way of what I’m writing and I won’t realize it until I get really frustrated and take off the headphones.)

  • The tv or music MUST be on when I’m doing laundry or knitting. I need distraction from the brainless repetitiveness of folding or knitting.

Dude. Reading all of those makes me think I’ve lied to myself all these years. I say I never get bored, but I think I do! I think I just automatically do something to stop the boredom. I turn on the tv or some music and then when my brain gets engaged I have to turn off the tv or music.

Ok, I’m starting to sound like I belong in a mental hospital and that Bear is a saint for putting up with me, soooooo I think that’s all I’m gonna list. Tell me a quirk of yours (or bash me and point out more of mine if you want).

(Linda, pretty sure that’s a White Stripes song. The reason I picked it… well the song itself might not fit, but the lyric does.)

how could you be so cold?

Sooooo it’s November. A month I look forward too all year long. This year I’ve got family coming to visit for Thanksgiving, we are in a new house with a crappy stove and we’ve got leaves to rake and work to be done. You would think that would mean that the shoddy blogging that has been happening the last two months would continue. That maybe my sanity would necessitate it. Well, maybe, except that would mean we aren’t accounting for Linda. Which we always do. Always.

INSTEAD! I’m blogging every day this month (minus Sundays). Because it’s me, I’m imposing some structure. It might get thrown out. Mondays (as in today) will be Music Mondays. Wednesdays will be photo posts (wordless). Thursdays will be Thankful (in cahoots with Linda). I hate the cutesy alliteration so I might stick with my normal lyric titles. Tuesday, Friday and Saturday will be freestyle.

There are five Mondays in November and I refuse to pick all the music for them now, so I’m not sure if they will all be my favorite songs ever or what. But for today, because Bear and I had a conversation about it on the way in:

Bear probably would have preferred the music be Linkin Park’s new single. He thinks they are actually very talented. But despite the fact that I think the new single is better than anything else I’ve heard from them, they still aren’t for me.
But hey, I’ll throw them up here too. Maybe it’ll appeal to someone else.

(Linda it’s COLD today. So I pulled that line from Heartless. :))

straight into my brain, goddamn, did you mean to do that to me

I was walking to get something to eat and this kid that I spent hours talking to yesterday walked right past me without seeing me. I smiled to myself.

It reminded me of talking to Gilligan yesterday. We were talking about how you can rec someone a book or link them to a song and then later they come back to you all excited about whatever it was you told them they’d enjoy. You say something like “You finally got a chance to check it out?” Then they look at you blankly and tell you their best friend just gave it to them. Gilligan did that to me. I had to go into gchat history to pull out where I REALLY DID GIVE HER THAT SONG MONTHS before her SO did.

Sometimes it has nothing to do with you. I remember when I first figured out that telling someone I was sorry for something didn’t make them feel better AT ALL, just me. That if I wanted THEM to feel better, I just had to make it about them or answer their needs.

I told Gilligan that it’s about having a healthy ego. Maybe its more about just knowing how big your space is and when shit has to do with someone else and isn’t about you at all. It’s just being able to say “Y’all are fucking retarded. I’ll just be over here.”

(Linda, Gilligan, song is In My Teeth by Manchester Orchestra. I would love to think that why I picked it is pretty obvious?)

A bird wearing a brown polyester shirt

I’m helping my mom with her psych/child development class, so I’ve been reading a lot about gender issues and gender typing and differences in development and treatment of the different genders. I know growing up we joked with my mom that she was very sexist. She would make my younger brother go out with me, not because it was safer in numbers but because he was a boy. Considering that he’s a year and a half younger and that at 17 and 15 this made a big difference I always thought she was nuts. I love my brother and often didn’t mind taking him along thankfully. Once we got past the annoying boy cootie stage of our lives, I’ve mostly loved having Carl around.

Back onto the topic. Linda and I have talked about when we have children multiple times. We’ve both also got a fair amount of exposure to young children and have experience taking care of children. I know at least once Linda’s made a comment about how she hates it when boys do x, where x is crying or whining or something. I know that feeling. When a little girl does something annoying, it can be fifty times more annoying in a boy. Or vice versa. A girl crying because she tripped and fell mostly makes me want to pick her up, smack her on the butt and say “Stop crying.” A little boy doing that though makes me want to pick him up and cuddle him until he stops. Mostly because boys do it more rarely than girls and boys tend to not even really want the cuddling whereas girls, the second you give them that attention they will just glomp all over you. But I’m wondering if this behavior is trained. I’m reading these papers about studies showing how parents will very subtly and unknowingly reward girls for “submissive” emotion and boys for “disharmonious” emotions.

I would really really REALLY love to know if anyone has any examples of things that annoy them more when a boy does them instead of a girl or vice versa. Not just because it helps with this class, but because now I’m curious whether this is just Linda and I reacting to our admittedly sexist natal cultures or if it’s more widespread.