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I’m actually only going to post pictures of some of the pretties today. The star magnolia tree, the daffodils, and the hyacinths. I’ll post the stuff that makes me grumpy tomorrow to split up the long posts of nothing but pictures. I love the progression of spring in the plants around here. 11 days ago (March 26th) Linda mentioned that these look creepy. They are hyacinths and do look creepy here, but they are gorgeous when they bloom (see the bottom of the post). (More hyacinths, pink this time and somehow the pink seems even weirder to me. I wish I had gotten pictures right when they came out of the ground. My mom was all “You have aliens hatching next to your mailbox.”) 4 days ago The daffodils actually look the same, so I’m saving the space. This is a long post. Yesterday Sadly, the magnolia tree looks like it’s going to stall out here. Bear and I suspect that it’s overgrown (like everything) and thus isn’t healthy enough to produce more blooms. The daffodils are still going strong and look very similar to the first day except that the batch is bigger. The whole block’s daffodils have bloomed actually. (Beautiful, right?) I have a strained relationship with my father. This is no secret. It’s been full of ups and downs. I’ve lately been trying to figure out why a certain event caused a brand new schism in our relationship. Last night Bear told me that he’s glad we only have a week left until my mom comes to visit. Don’t get me wrong, Bear loves me and his momma with a special amount of fierceness, but he likes my mom and he never is unhappy about her visiting. I also realized that for all my brother and Bear don’t talk a whole lot, they both think it’s cool when they do have something to talk about and they do have the opportunity to hang out. I also have always known that Bear and Linda share a special kind of love for each other. Bear spends an inordinate amount of time fretting over her and 90% of the time that she spends thinking about him, she’s thinking about making him blush. None of these people initially liked/loved/appreciated each other. I think, especially in the case of my mom and Bear, that some thought I was cracked for loving the others as much as I do. My brother thinks my mom actually disliked Bear more than she ever let on. And then it hit me. I deeply appreciate it when people who love and respect me, respect my choices in life and appreciate that if I love someone, there’s something in them to love. It’s a special kinda gravy and chocolate that they all have found their ways to love each other, but at least in the beginning, they respected my love. I have realized that one of the things I need in life is respect. Clearly one of the first things that makes me think you lack respect for me is to rip apart the people I love. I’m not the wisest person, but I’ve been through enough crap to see people for who they are. We’re going to see the house again today. In the snow no less this time. Buying a house is hell for a million reasons. I still keep wondering why it isn’t more fun than this. Bear gets satisfaction figuring out how he wants to fix/change the house to make it more us while we wait. I think I feel really unsettled by the realization that none of the furniture he’s looking at really does anything for me. It doesn’t help, apparently, I’m horribly ambivalent about furniture and Bear refuses to leave me out of it. Which means every time he checks with me about a table and chairs or buffet or sectional I get that awful tight feeling in my chest. I don’t know. I do know our house is cute and casual it its layout and design. It’s a 1950′s ranch. The current layout and structure give it a light, bright, airy feeling. Ornate doesn’t fit on it. Heavy doesn’t fit it. Bear of course then gets upset when I tell him his taste is too formal because then I’m putting words and meaning in his mouth. We’ll figure it out I’m sure. I’ll probably also figure out why I don’t like any of the furniture we’ve looked at sometime. When we got up this morning though, I realized that the house has personality to me. A good one. I think we can really make this home and be happy if we can just figure out what we are doing and not bankrupt ourselves in the process. |
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